My name is Allison. I'm 27-years-old. I live in Connecticut, USA. I was born and raised here, I've spent most of my life here, except for one school year I spent in Ohio. I currently live with my mom, my step-dad, and my sister. It's an average-sized house, probably on the smaller size. My sister and I share a bedroom. I am not a happy person, but I go through every day trying to be optimistic. I've gone through bad bouts of depression, and I'm currently going through one now. I quit my job without anything else lined up. I'm relying on my family to support me, and apart from my sister, they are not the supportive type. It's a difficult period for me.
My grandma died in 2010 and I feel like that event was an earthquake for me. A lot of bad stuff happened because I couldn't deal with my grief. It culminated in me losing my job. I'd been working for Walgreens Pharmacy since 2007, and they just couldn't deal with all my call-outs anymore. They were completely in the right. They'd given me a hundred second-chances. I was fired in November 2012. Then in July 2013, my manager called me up out of the blue and asked if I want to come back to work. It truly astounded me and made me feel validated. I tried very hard to have a different attitude towards work, but I just couldn't handle the stress and my depression any longer, so in March 2014 I quit.
After three years, I finally went back to school in the Fall 2014 semester. Apart from working hard in school, there is not much in my life. I literally have no social life and I'm not working. I feel sad almost every day even though I'm so happy to be back in school.
Even though I have days where I can't get out of bed, I also feel excited about the future. I have a real plan, something that's tangible. I've never had that before. I'm going to finish school, I'm going to have my Bachelor's Degree, after the Fall 2016 semester. Then in early 2017 I'll be looking for a real job (not minimum-wage, dead-end crap), and I'll be moving out of my parents'.
I believe with my entire mind, heart, and soul that I will leave a mark, even if it's small. I won't live and die in this town I was born in. I will do something with my life. What that will be exactly I cannot say. I do know that I want to write and I want to travel. I'm hoping to publish novels and write screenplays and produce documentaries. I'm hoping to be a "citizen of the world". That's a thing, right? I don't want to have just my own country's interests in mind. I care far more for under-developed countries and countries plagued by war. I will make something of myself and do something for other people.
A typical day for me is one of two options. Option one: Bring my sister to work, get coffee, come home, and do homework. Option two: Go to school. Some days I watch some television or play some video games. I try to do some cleaning. But for the most part I have very little energy, so I sleep a lot, especially during the summer.
What I haven't been doing much of these days is writing. I'll write something once a month for the LJ community ~musemuggers. For three years I was working on a novel, but in 2015 I decided to shelve it because my heart wasn't in it anymore. Instead, I'm trying to write and actually finish short stories. I don't write every day, which is what I want to do. This isn't writer's block. I just can't make myself write. So many times throughout the day I feel like writing. I think, "I love writing" or "That would make a good story" or "I just thought of a cool quote". Sometimes I write down ~inspiration~. Most times I don't. I don't know what I need to do to force myself to work.
I'm a big fan girl and I'm not going to get into all my fandoms here. I have a whole other post about that. One that I should mention is Harry Potter - I am dearly devoted to Harry Potter and anything to do with the Wizarding World. Also, I have a very unhealthy adoration for Hannibal Lecter. I've read the books, seen the movies, and I love the new show. There's probably something wrong with me, but I just love Hannibal.
I also like to read, and I've recently found out how amazing it is to read ebooks. I've been reading a lot more because of that. I usually read before I go to bed, or any time during the day that I have sit around waiting. I used to make sure to always bring a book with me, but now I have about 50 books on my phone. I'll read almost anything except romance novels. My favorite genres tend to be fantasy or historical fiction. I'm currently reading nine books at a time.
I mentioned that I'm a writer, and I also love all forms of creativity, such as painting, photography, fashion, music, and movies. I love museums and theater. I also make jewelry and I have an Etsy shop for it.
I'm a huge fan of coffee. I usually have a cup every day, either made at home or bought somewhere. I'm not a big tea drinker, except for green tea with some honey.
I'm overweight and I've been heavy my whole life. I was the one kids always picked on. I must say that I think it's caused me to have trust issues. I often feel people aren't being sincere with me, like they're just trying to pull a prank on me. Because of what I've gone through, I have incredible sympathy for anyone who is ever bullied or discriminated against. I know I'm white and straight, so I obviously can't understand what struggles POC and LGBT people face. However, being fat is something that people do discriminate against. I've experienced it first hand in a number of different ways, and there is such a thing as "thin privilege". People tend to dismiss the things I've been through because I can change what I am. That is true. I am a fat person and I can make myself into a skinny person. I mean, it'll take at least a year of extremely hard work and an entire lifestyle change, but it's possible. As an overweight child, I was bullied and teachers never really cared. They just thought I was too sensitive. And that's how overweight children are treated today. The attitude of "well you can change it" is not the best approach. What are you really trying to say? "If you don't like being bullied, change yourself. If society doesn't like what you look like, change yourself."
I am a very quiet and shy person. I'm an introvert. I always try to be nice, and it takes a lot for me to ever act out anger. It's easy to rant online, but in the flesh I think I've only ever yelled at family members.
My biggest fear is the dark. I just can't handle it. I also hate silence. I usually need music or some ambient sounds on. Also, I'm not a fan of mirrors. I mean, I don't avoid them or cover them. But reflections in the dark creep me out.
Politically, I believe I'm liberal verging on socialist, but I don't consider myself a radical. I believe everyone of all political parties needs to calm down. Being moderate instead of insanely left or right is the only way to help a country grow. Otherwise, you're just a child screaming you want it your way and you want it now. Though, I must add that at this time, I feel I will never vote for a Republican in my life.
I mentioned above that I consider myself straight. Well, it's complicated. I've never been in a relationship, and I currently feel that I could possibly be bi/pan. I just don't know for sure. I think I'm questioning it. I do feel more attracted to men than to women, but I also now sexuality is a spectrum.
A part of me believes in all mythical or supernatural creatures - fairies, ghosts, vampires... I can't help it. It may just be that my imagination is too strong. A while ago I came across this quote from John Lennon: "I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?" I think I am similar to that mindset.
I was raised as a Catholic, and these days I consider myself a very spiritual person. I don't really practice Catholicism except that I observe big holidays, including Lent. But I don't go to church. The biggest thing is that I pray everyday. I believe in God, and I think Jesus Christ was a wonderful role model. I don't have the answers to the universe, and I'm fine with that. A long time ago I saw a quote that was something like, "Some people find comfort in the unknown." This applies to me. I believe in goodness and charity and, above all else, love.
Last Updated: July 12, 2015.
All these photos represent things that I adore completely. They each stir up emotions for me, in one way or another.