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til I see stars in my eyes
27th-Jan-2017 01:58 pm - my cousin rachel

I wanted to make this quick post to flail over a trailer I just watched yesterday for the upcoming film My Cousin Rachel. It's based on the book by Daphne du Maurier, and I've not read it, but I have read and loved Rebecca. This trailer looks AMAZING and I've been wanting to read My Cousin Rachel for some time. I don't think I'll get around to reading it before the movie comes out, but I'm definitely going to see this in theaters. If you're on tumblr, my sister made a lovely gif set here.

20th-Jan-2017 11:18 am - places for writers?
Hello all! For the past few years, I've been in a community here on LJ that was for sharing writing - getting feedback and prompts and commenting on others' work. It used to be fairly active when I first joined, but in the last year, it's really died down. I think only a few people posted something last month, and that doesn't include myself. I haven't been motivated to write for myself in a while because of school.

I'm looking for communities for writers. I say "communities," but I don't necessarily mean LJ communities, though those are welcome. I'm also looking for websites, blogs, tumblrs, etc. Anything and everything, as long as it's active. I find I am motivated when there are a lot of people around. When it's dead, I lose my inspiration.

I write original fiction and some poetry. I don't do fanfiction, so I'm obviously not open to any place that's fanfiction-only. Thank you so much for your help!
23rd-Dec-2016 12:18 pm - considered saying goodbye
Hey everyone! So for about the past year, I've been updating once a week. Sometimes less, sometimes more, but two years ago and prior, I was updating multiple times a week and I was extremely active here on LJ. My interest in the site - my own posts, communities, and friends' posts - steadily declined all year. These last two weeks, I've seriously been considering deleting my account, or at least not updating anymore. I'm going to try to unpack why, and I'm going to be blunt, so I hope that doesn't offend anyone.

I first got an account here when I was in my senior year of high school, and after I graduated, I got really into LJ. So I've been doing this for over ten years. I met and connected with a lot of people, but in my mind there are at least four that I really considered my friends. I don't have friends in real life. Like, I don't go out and do things because it's hard for me to connect with people in person. I'm shy and weird and awkward. And I've obviously been this way my whole life. I remember lamenting about it frequently here on LJ.

These four people drifted away from LJ at different times, and I realized in the past week, when thinking about this, that I've basically been hoping that they'd come back at some point. Like, not consciously sitting here staring at their usernames. But that's the real reason I've had a connection to this site. I had friends here, and they went away, and now I'm waiting for them to come back.

It's sad, I know, but I've been depressed for years now, and only recently have I started to really see a future for myself. On LJ, I haven't been able to connect with any in probably over two years. This is the part I meant about offending you. If you're reading this, the reality is probably that I've hoped and hoped for a deeper connection with you, and it just hasn't happened. And I'm going to be honest: it's my fault. I haven't wanted to really read posts and comment on them. I've been lazy and neglectful. It sucks admitting this. I feel like such a shitty person, but there it is. I mainly come on to LJ to vent about something or to organize my own thoughts. I'm sorry I've been so selfish.

So it's probably no surprise I considered leaving LJ altogether. I mean, what else is keeping me here except habit?

But habits are hard to break. So for now, I'm going to keep this journal and possibly update it in the future. Actually, I'm going to make a post immediately following this one about some stuff. I'm going to be graduating in the spring, so it's like my life is finally moving ahead. Plus, even though it's online, this has really felt like a journal, and I don't want to throw it away.
11th-Nov-2016 07:08 am - the fight continues.
I am devastated by the election results. I haven't cried, but I feel like I'm grieving. I've gone through a lot of emotions, a lot of thoughts. And this is what I think it boils down to: I'm a white, cis woman who feels like I might be bisexual but most people I know see me as straight. I was also raised in a Christian household and I'm generally rather Christian today. I could lose my healthcare if the ACA is repealed, but that's about it as far as problems go. If I stay quiet, no one is going to bother me.

That's not the case for a large chunk of the population. I can't speak for groups that I know little to nothing about. If you're interested in their experiences, go look to see what they have to say. But off the top of my head, if you're black, Muslim, Mexican (or any kind of brown immigrant), gay, trans, or identify as anything other than the what the conservative majority thinks is "good," then you probably feel, and probably do, have to watch your back. Trump talked about registering Muslims, which is exactly the kind of thing Nazi Germany did to the Jewish population before the Holocaust. We might have mass deportations to look forward to, as well as even an even harsher police force. Pence advocated for diverting taxpayer dollars from HIV research to conversion therapy for gay teens. Did you know conversion therapy is only banned in 5 states? FIVE! 45 states allow that shit.

So it's pretty grim. I'm probably leaving a lot out. I've been reading and retweeting so much on Twitter. Right now, I can kind of wrap my head around the people who are happy about this, who are pro-Trump. Who cheered and celebrated when he won. I understand they're either ignorant or blatantly racist. I can understand that, I think. But the people who are in the middle. The people who didn't vote, or voted for a third party. The people who didn't understand what was on the line. The people who, now, after the results, are still apathetic. I just want to shake them. I want them to wake up. I want them to pay attention to their neighbors, to history, to the kinds of things Trump supports did during the election and after the results. It's horrifying.

I'm 28 and I've voted in every election I've been able to vote in. I've always voted for all Democrats. The first president I could vote for was Obama. I voted for him twice, obviously. I can't imagine a world where I'd vote Republican, and I can't imagine a world where I'd vote third party. Well, that's not true. I think our system is going to change. It needs to change. And maybe having three parties will become the norm. But right now, I really feel the people who voted for third party or didn't vote are somewhat to blame for Trump's win. A third party has never won, at least in recent history, and the results showed that the numbers just aren't there. This great tweet said, "Voting 3rd party is a good way to let marginalized groups know that your abstract principles are more important than their very real lives."

So, yeah, I think that's all I have to say. I feel like I'm a very political person, but I don't talk about it much on here. Who knows how much I'll bring it up in the next four years.
26th-Oct-2016 05:32 pm - update as usual
I'm feeling better lately. My foot is still bothering me, but I worked on Sunday, and the next day, it didn't hurt at ALL, so I think that means that exercise = good. So instead of shying away from pain when I'm walking, I'm kind of confronting it. I mean I'm not letting myself limp around. I'm forcing myself to walk like a normal person. I've also been meaning to go for walks on days that I don't go anywhere or do anything, but I haven't done that yet. Maybe I'll try tonight.

I really like the way my Etsy store is coming along, but I haven't made any sales yet. People are looking, though! I can see that from my stats. I like the way I've named the sections of my shop, and, I don't know, I'm just happy with it and I hope people like it, too. (Check it out here if you like! ^_^) Here's some of my latest things:

16th-Oct-2016 11:16 pm - still obsessed with etsy
I really appreciate all your comments on my last post, but I'm here to talk about it again because I can't stop making stuff! Today I made a whole calendar for 2017 and I LOVE the way it came out. I've been posting new things everyday. I love doing this. xp

My shop is here if you want to take a peak. :)
14th-Oct-2016 09:45 am - Midnight Pop Designs!
Hey everyone! You may remember I used to sell jewelry on Etsy. I closed that shop a while ago because I just wasn't into it anymore. But lately I've wanted another creative outlet, so I've opened a printables shop! I'm really excited and I like the stuff I've been creating. Below are some of my favorites. You can see everything here. Every print is $5, and you can just print them out at home. ^_^ Pretty much everything is customizable as well. If you see something you like, but want it in another color, I can do that.

19th-Sep-2016 09:08 am - icon making
I've been away from making icons for a while, and I think I want to get back into it. What are your favorite communities right now, and makers, and tutorials, and whatever else?
14th-Sep-2016 07:02 am - YouTube Update!
Hi everyone! Here are my latest videos. I hope you enjoy them! ^_^

If you'd like to support me and my videos, you can check out my channel and subscribe!

2nd-Sep-2016 12:11 pm - YouTube Update!
Hi everyone! Here are my latest videos. I hope you enjoy them! ^_^

If you'd like to support me and my videos, you can check out my channel and subscribe!

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